When Father’s Day Hurts: Insights from a Trauma Therapist Atlanta
Father's Day isn't easy for everyone. While the world celebrates dads with cookouts and cards, you might feel a deep ache settle in your chest. Maybe your father was absent, emotionally unavailable, abusive, or the relationship is so strained that you’ve gone no contact. Or maybe he’s gone now, and the pain of what never was—or what was lost too soon—lingers heavy.
As a trauma therapist in Atlanta, I often sit with clients who dread this day. It's not that they want to feel bitter or angry. It's that this one holiday can stir up old wounds, unresolved grief, and complicated emotions that are hard to explain to others. If this sounds familiar, you are not alone.
Why Father’s Day Can Be So Painful For Some
Culturally, Father's Day is often portrayed as a day of gratitude, celebration, and heartfelt connection. But what happens when your reality doesn't match that ideal? When the man who was supposed to protect and nurture you was absent, unkind, or incapable of offering the love you needed?
Maybe you tried for years to earn his approval. Maybe you learned to live without his support. Maybe you still wrestle with guilt for choosing distance over connection. Whatever your story, Father’s Day can feel like an emotional ambush; a yearly reminder of what was missing.
You might:
Feel pressure to pretend everything’s fine when it isn’t
Experience guilt for feeling numb, angry, or indifferent
Notice grief surfacing, even if you've been estranged for years
Be flooded with memories you thought you buried
It’s not just about the person. It’s about the pain, the pattern, and the longing that follows you.
The Lingering Impact of a Difficult Father Relationship
Many people minimize the effects of a painful father-child relationship. But those early experiences can leave lasting imprints. In trauma therapy, clients often explore how their relationships with their fathers shaped their view of self-worth, emotional safety, and connection.
Common impacts include:
Chronic self-doubt or fear of rejection
Hyper-independence that makes it hard to ask for help
Struggles with trust or vulnerability in adult relationships
A deep, quiet belief that love must be earned
These aren't character flaws. They're coping strategies your nervous system learned to survive emotional neglect, inconsistency, or abandonment.
Signs You’re Still Carrying the Father Wound
You don’t have to be in contact with your father to still feel his influence. Sometimes, the pain lives on in the way you treat yourself or approach others.
Here are a few signs the father wound may still be active:
You feel anxious, irritated, or numb leading up to Father’s Day
You experience guilt for not wanting to participate in celebrations
You shut down emotionally and isolate yourself
You struggle to believe you’re worthy of love or care
You feel shame for grieving a man who caused you harm
These responses are valid. Your nervous system may still be bracing for the pain you once had to normalize.
How To Honor Your Parents When They Hurt You?
Honoring your parents doesn’t have to mean excusing harmful behavior or maintaining a relationship that endangers your well-being. If your father or mother was abusive, honoring them might look different. It can mean acknowledging the impact they had on your life without minimizing the pain they caused. You might choose to honor the idea of parenthood by breaking generational cycles, or by becoming the kind of nurturing presence for yourself and others that you didn’t receive. Setting firm boundaries, seeking healing, and choosing not to pass on the same harm is a form of honor rooted in courage and integrity, not obligation.
How to Cope When Father’s Day Hurts
You don’t have to pretend this day is easy. You don’t owe anyone performative joy or gratitude. If Father’s Day hurts, here are a few things that can help:
Give Yourself Permission Not to Celebrate
You don’t have to go to the family gathering, scroll social media, or call someone just because it’s expected. Your healing matters more than anyone’s opinion about how you should feel.
Name What You Feel
Grief, anger, sadness, emptiness, longing—write it out. Say it out loud. Talk to someone who can hold space without judgment. Naming your truth softens its hold on you.
Create a Different Ritual
Write a letter to your father (even if you never send it). Light a candle for your younger self. Celebrate someone who did show up for you. Honor the mentors, teachers, or uncles who gave you the love your father couldn't.
Re-Parent Yourself with Compassion
Do something kind and nurturing for yourself. Reclaim this day by giving your inner child the tenderness and attention they didn’t get. Go for a walk, take a long bath, cook your favorite meal. Let the care come from within.
Connect with Safe People
Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. Reach out to someone who understands your story. Whether it's a friend, support group, or trauma therapist, you deserve to feel seen.
Reclaiming Your Own Definition of Strength
Having a complicated relationship with your father doesn’t make you weak or broken. In fact, choosing to heal and set boundaries, even when it hurts, is one of the bravest things you can do.
As a trauma therapist in Atlanta, I’ve seen clients take back their power, rewrite their narratives, and discover a strength they never knew they had. Father’s Day doesn’t have to be about celebrating someone who couldn’t show up for you. It can be a day to honor the resilience, courage, and growth that lives in you.
Conclusion: You Deserve to Heal
There’s no right way to feel on Father’s Day. Whether you’re grieving, angry, relieved, or unsure, your emotions are valid. The absence or loss of a father’s love leaves a mark, but it doesn’t define your worth.
You deserve to be supported in your healing. If you’re ready to unpack the layers of your father wound and move toward a life rooted in self-trust, connection, and peace, trauma therapy in Atlanta can help. As a trauma therapist in Atlanta, I offer a space where your story is safe, your feelings are honored, and your healing is possible.
Kristy Brewer is a therapist Atlanta offering online therapy in Georgia helping people find peace amidst the chaos. Her specialties include trauma therapy, attachment therapy for trauma within toxic relationships, anxiety therapy, depression therapy, and parents raising a traumatized child.
Request a free 15-minute phone consultation today by clicking here.
